Deep Thoughts

(Warning, long post!)

Wow, it has been a busy week…oh wait, my goal is to say a full instead of busy. It has been a full week, packed with all sorts of good things, but not leaving me time to blog. I want to do a post about our Gingerbread houses with the nieces and nephews at some point, but getting all the pictures in would take too long before work this morning. So, I am going to instead share some “deep thoughts” I have been pondering about the past few weeks.


In Stake Conference a few weeks ago, the Second Counselor in the Stake Presidency gave a powerful talk about Christ and His healing power in the night session. The next morning, he gave another shorter talk about Christ. In that second talk, he told a story that I can’t stop thinking about. He first quoted President Packer as follows:

“I somehow knew there was one thing the Lord would never take from me, and that was my free agency. I would not surrender my agency to any being but to Him! I determined that I would give Him the one thing that He would never take—my agency. I decided, by myself, that from that time on I would do things His way.” (“Spiritual crocodiles,” Ensign, May 1976).

Then the Counselor told a story from his own life. Right after his first child was born, he knelt by the couch where his wife and child were sleeping and told Heavenly Father the same thing. He said in that prayer, “You can take my child or my wife in death; you can ask me to move…you don’t have to take anything from me, I give it to you freely.”

Wow, that was so profound to me! This past few years I have really committed to follow Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and to do Their will, but I have never thought of it like that. I was especially impressed at the specifics of his prayer. I thought about what a poignant time it is to have a new baby, all the love and emotion that the parents must feel, and for him to specifically say that Heavenly Father could take his child or wife…I couldn’t believe what faith he was demonstrating!

One of my biggest fears as a child was that one of my family members would die. I used to lay awake at night worrying that someone would get in an accident or one of the kids would get lost. (In fact, anytime we went anywhere with all the kids I was constantly counting to make sure each one was there…silly me!) I don’t worry about it anymore like that, thank goodness, but of course at times I ponder about how hard it would be to lose someone or to have one of my sweet little nieces or nephews die.

So, I have thought a lot about that talk these last few weeks. I have thought about being willing to give up anything.

As I was reading in the Book of Mormon in my personal study last week I was reading about the people of Ammon. I have always loved this scripture, and it was particularly applicable to what I have been thinking about: “And they never did look upon death with any degree of terror, for their hope and views of Christ and the resurrection; therefore, death was swallowed up to them by the victory of Christ over it” (Alma 27:28).

I think that is amazing! Because of their faith in Christ, they did not fear death for themselves, but I think they also did not fear death for their family members! I thought about when more than a thousand were slain without resistance…what faith!! I realized as I read it again that it was not that they didn’t mourn, but that they didn’t fear. I think there is a big difference between the two emotions.

What I have finally processed and come up with is something I really always knew but never thought about in this way; the Stake Counselor and the people of Ammon and anyone who really commits themselves to the Lord can say that He can take anything from them because they know Him, and they know that He can be trusted impilictly! They know that He loves them beyond measure and wants only what is best for them.

I read something this week by John Bytheway that really sums it up for me, “While we may not have all the answers in this life, the Lord does, and we can trust Him more than anyone or anything in this world. He will help us get through everything” (“When Times Are Tough, p29.”)

I had the opportunity in the temple last night as I was working to be alone in the Brides Room for a few minutes while I was waiting for a bride to come in and then again to be alone in the Celestial Room at the end of the night. (Which as a side note, can I just say that I love, love, love working in the temple. What a privilege to be in those sacred rooms alone and have time to ponder!!)

Both times it was so peaceful and beautiful and I was thinking about all of this. I was thinking about how the Lord has led me and blessed me in my life. That He has helped me through hard times in the past and blessed me beyond measure. If and when I do have to say goodbye to a family member or maybe even a child, it would be incredibly painful, but He would be there to help me. It is like President Hunter said (as also quoted by John Bytheway), “If our lives and our faith are centered upon Jesus Christ…nothing can ever go permanently wrong” (“Fear Not, Little Flock,” BYU Devotional, 1989.)

I can give Heavenly Father my will, and I can tell Him that He can take anything from me, and I can do it without fear because I trust Him. He has helped me in the past, He helps me day by day, and I know that He will never forsake me!